


Monere

by legendarytobes



Series: Monstrous [1]
Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Dark Comedy, Deckerstar - Freeform, F/M, Fuckruary 2020 (Lucifer TV), Monster sex, Sex, devil bod
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-13
Updated: 2020-02-13
Packaged: 2021-02-28 07:14:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22689811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/legendarytobes/pseuds/legendarytobes
Summary: When their first Valentine's Day together after Lucifer returns from Hell doesn't go as planned, Chloe has to improvise. But that's okay, she doesn't mind.
Relationships: Chloe Decker/Lucifer Morningstar
Series: Monstrous [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1699081
Comments: 40
Kudos: 165





	Monere

**Monere**

_[Latin](https://www.vocabulary.com/dictionary/monstrosity) for “to warn,” wherein the adjective “monstrous” originally implied an “ill omen.”_

**F** **or Fuckruary 2020 prompt of "Monster Sex"**

******

“So how are you feeling about that upcoming date you mentioned in the last two minutes of our last session?” Linda asked, narrowing her eyes at him over the rim of her glasses.

Lucifer shifted on the sofa and adjusted his cufflinks. Somehow, he’d hoped that just mentioning the dinner reservations he had at _Mistral_ would pass quickly over good Dr. Linda’s head. Then again, he didn’t pay her to be obtuse, so of course, she’d pry. Oh, who was he bloody well kidding? She’d ask too just out of sheer curiosity from whatever the hens nattered on about on “Tribe Nights.”

Still, even if the years of sessions (with a small six month break to settle affairs in Hell last spring) with Linda hadn’t basically revolved around the Detective when they didn’t focus on his messed up family instead, Lucifer wasn’t sure that talking about this date would help him any. Probably just make him even more anxious than he already was.

“Lucifer?” she pressed, leaning forward to consider him. “It’s okay if you don’t want to talk, but you’d mentioned briefly last time that you both seemed hopeful to take it to the next level.”

Lucifer straightened the lapels of his already pristine jacket before speaking again. “Yes, well, I’m hardly a blushing schoolboy. I’ve been to many levels, invented some myself, so it’s really not so huge.”

Linda hummed to herself a bit as she scribbled something in her notes. “I think we both know that’s not true. You and Chloe have been through literal Hell, at least in your case and more than once, over the years. Even getting to the honesty and level where you were able to start dating once you returned was a big accomplishment.”

He rolled his eyes and picked up a Hershey’s kiss from her candy dish before unwrapping it and shoving it in his mouth. Lucifer chewed for a bit before answering. “Yes, great, Doctor, do I get a gold star?”

“You need to congratulate yourself for the interim steps too and not just the big ones. Since you mentioned such a nice restaurant and, okay, Ella and I might have given Chloe some feedback on the dresses she was choosing between for tonight, I have to guess that this might be the night for going forward with intimacy?”

Lucifer wanted to render things less serious, to make a crack about going to pound town as he might have in the past, but that wasn’t fair to the Detective, and Linda would see through it for the bullshit it was. After all, for good or ill, the Devil never lied.

“It is on both our minds, I’m sure. Daniel has the urchin this weekend, and it is Valentine’s Day, although you humans confound me even now. I am unclear how a man who ended up being stoned and beheaded---quite a messy affair, by the way---became the patron saint of romance.”

Linda shook her head. “You’re not derailing us, Lucifer. Also, Hallmark can make money off of anything.”

“Ooh, so do you and my brother have plans?”

The good doctor pursed her lips into a thin line. Bugger if he knew exactly the arrangement she and Amenadiel had, but the tension between them always screamed more than co-parents of a soon-to-be-toddler. Of course, it wasn’t like he was an expert on hidden desires or anything. Oh wait, yes he _was._

“Focus. This is about you. It’s not about why we have Valentine’s Day or anyone else. It’s about you and Chloe and what your expectations are.”

“Honestly, whatever she desires,” he answered, blinking back at Linda as if that much should be obvious. “I’m lucky she waited for me to come home and gave me another few months besides that to get my head on straight. I’m lucky she even…” he shut his mouth, realizing he was going to say too much, even for Linda.

She set her pad down and scooted closer to the edge of her seat. “You were going to say something else. Was that nothing?”  
  


He half-grumbled to himself as he crossed his arms over his chest. Being honest had been far easier before he had such deep human entanglements. “No.”

“Then how else do you consider yourself lucky?”

Lucifer sighed and fiddled with his cufflinks again. “I’m lucky she puts up with dating the Devil at all.”

“First, Chloe loves you, so I think we’d all call it a bit more than just casual dating at this point.”

“Well, in this case, I’ve managed to do everything ass over tea kettle, yes.”

“And,” Linda started, a bright red blush coloring her cheeks. “this is where my ethical failings make this awkward for me, but you’re rather…” she coughed and was scarlet by now. “…you know you have a reputation in bed that’s earned.”

“Settled for the wrong brother, did you?” he said, chuckling. That was partially his fault. The ethics, not the way their tryst ended. He truly was like walking heroin to most women and more than a few men. The good doctor never could have _actually_ resisted him since that was what she’d desired. And he’d been more than happy to oblige and save the dosh. “Kidding of course.”

“Yes, well,” Linda said re-crossing her legs. “That’s not the point, exactly. What I meant was that you’re easier to love than you’d think, and that’s talking as your friend and semi-sister-in-law.”

He winked. “Assuredly, doctor. Yet, I can’t help but worry, perhaps, that Chloe’s not as alright with everything as I hope she is.”

“What happened when she went to Rome was horrible, but that was all from a long misunderstanding between both of you. She’s had time to think about it, to understand you much better, and even if this blends my role as her friend, I can assure you that she missed you terribly while you were running Hell again.”

“Yes, but---”

“But what?”

He sighed and looked down at the candy dish and the silver foiled treats there. He did tell the truth, but he didn’t need to keep eye contact with Linda when he gave it. “Except for Mazikeen and Amenadiel, she’s seen more of me than anyone ever has. I…you’ve seen how the wings get, Doctor, but the rest of it is worse, King of Hell and all that.”

She nodded. “After everything with Charlie, and thank you again, since I don’t have enough words to express my gratitude for what you did for him…”

He relaxed and looked back up at her. “I won’t say it was a pleasure, but I would do it a hundred times over for him and for the rest of my family.”

She’d really apologized quite obsessively his first month back. They hadn’t gotten through a full session at all because she’d just keep breaking down in tears and thanking him all over again. Lucifer did not want to go back to that arrangement, but he did appreciate that Linda realized the sacrifice he made. He knew that Amenadiel did too, but his brother had said the thank you once upon his return and, to be honest, almost assumed it would go down that way from the off. Then again, Amenadiel had always assumed so much about him.

“But after everything, Amenadiel caught me up. I can’t say I can quite imagine it, but I don’t think that it matters to Chloe,” Linda offered.

He shrugged and cross one leg over the other, then leaned back on the sofa. “Yes, well, I admit that when the damn feathered wings came back a couple years ago, they had a bit of a habit of premature unfurling.”

Linda’s eyes went owlishly wide. “Lucifer! What did the humans think?”

By now, Lucifer was sure the good doctor had had earfuls of boring lectures about how important it was to keep the divine from mortals and the effects it had. Amenadiel wasn’t just judge-y and entitled, of course. The prat was also beyond pedantic.

“Well, it only happened a couple of times, and usually my partners then assumed cosplay or were, let us be charitable, already indulging with me in some mind-altering substances. I am sure the few who saw assumed it was just exceptional acid.”

Linda rolled her eyes. “Unbelievable.”

“Yes, quite. Anyway, I don’t…I suppose I’m nervous that if anything were to go mildly awry, bit of red skin here, perhaps a bit of the _wrong_ set of wings unfurling there, then it might truly frighten off the Detective.”

“I know it wouldn’t. You’ve been through so much, and everything that happened with Kinley was beyond traumatic, but Chloe wouldn’t run ever, Lucifer.”

“Yes, well, you’re the one who often says that feelings aren’t rational either. I didn’t say it made sense, just that it is weighing on me. I want tonight to go perfectly. She deserves it, and I know it’s irrational, but I worry if it’s not perfection, it’ll be too big a disappointment for her.”

Linda eyed the clock on her wall. “I would let you stay over this time, but I know it’ll take you longer to get ready than Chloe, and I have to get Charlie from daycare today.”

“Whatever for? My brother doesn’t have a job, does he?”

Linda glared at him and, for a moment, he might have been a tiny bit frightened of her, even if she was mortal. “He got a job a couple weeks back as a rec center and little league coach. Sort of a city-wide Big Brothers program.”

Lucifer laughed at such an absurd idea. “He was never a good big brother.”

“It’s a mentorship and athletics program. He’s very excited,” she stood, and her professional demeanor relaxed and melted away. “Speaking just as your sister-in-law---”

“ _Ish_ ,” he corrected since her relationship with his brother was the only one he knew as complicated as his and the Detective’s.

“Close enough. As family, I wish you two communicated better, yeesh. Yes, Amenadiel has a job so I need to pick up the best baby in California.”

“Well that seems unfair. Have you met every baby in California?” he asked, smirking even as he stood.

She rolled her eyes at him and pointed to the door. “Out, now. Besides, you’re going to be fine. Remember, Chloe isn’t who she was when she got back from Rome. She’s not even who you left after the demon uprising. She’s very strong, Lucifer, and I can tell she’s not going anywhere. So, do that wine and dine thing that, to be honest, you do so well.”

“Wish I could teach Amenadiel a few things about that?”

It was the doctor’s turn to smirk. “Oh, Lucifer, you have some things nailed, no doubt.”

He let his voice sink into a lascivious purr. “Damn right I do.”

“…but Amenadiel is incredibly sweet. He’s just fine in the charm department.”

“Are we talking about the same bloke? Yea high? Bald? Talks about Father far too much?”

“Yup,” Linda said, gathering up her purse. “Now go on. You’ll be great, and we can have session Monday to talk about it.”

“I…thank you again. Hopefully, you have something nice planned for this evening too.”

“Maybe,” she said, but she offered nothing further than an inscrutable Mona Lisa smile.

Damn. Miss Lopez might excel at Black Jack, but his shrink would be no slouch when it came to poker either. He should take both girls to Vegas next time he went.

**

“Decker! You look great!” Ella enthused.

Chloe sighed and looked around the lab self-consciously. Just like she’d feared, one of the blinds hadn’t been pulled down all the way. Reaching up, she yanked the string so that she and Ella were completely alone. She’d been doing paperwork for the Vitorelli case, and it had run longer than she’d wanted. Chloe had always known she’d have to change at the station and grab a rideshare over to the restaurant, but it felt weird walking around the precinct in stilettos and the turquoise blue dress that, frankly, clung to her like second skin.

She’d been temped to elbow Montoya in the ribs for his crack at her when she’d stopped by her desk to grab her purse. Dan was still at his and he’d stood up and strode half-way to the asshole to do the same thing. She’d shaken her head and called it off, but it was tempting. Then again, Montoya’s arrest record was pitiful, and he’d be busted down to something like missing property reports soon anyway. He wasn’t worth beating up, even if his catcall had rankled.

Also, it was sweet in a way that after all this time, she and Dan still got along well enough that he felt like sticking up for her honor. Granted, there was probably some “not to the mother of my child” mentality working in him too, but it was nice. Go team!

Still, she just wanted to grab her taxi and get to the French place Lucifer had talked her into. It sounded too fancy for her, not that she didn’t like it, just that it made her feel bad in a way if she he wasted money when she’d be just as happy with takeout. But she’d been headed out when Ella had demanded a fashion show and preview before she caught her ride.

So here she was as if it were the night of prom (or so she’d acted in the movie that should remain nameless), spinning before Ella for final approval.

“Decker, seriously, love it. You will have a certain devil eating out of the palm of your hand.” Ella frowned a little when Chloe finished her fashion show and stood facing her again. “Huh, interesting choice.”

“It’s the dress, right? I know you and Maze both voted for it over Linda, but it’s probably too tight and too short.”

Ella snorted. “That’s what we loved about it!” She shook her head, her ponytail bobbing behind her. “No, I meant that necklace…is that a bullet?”

Chloe smiled and stroked the cool metal between her fingers. “Yeah, I…it’s usually under my work shirts. Lucifer got it for me for my birthday a couple years ago that time you apparently went all Vegas show girl undercover.”

“The bullet’s been fired.”

“Well, before you got here, I might have, a little, grazed him on a case.”

She’d shot him flat out, but explaining that Lucifer had healed fairly quickly from that would entail explaining both that he was the devil and that she made him vulnerable for some reason. As far as the precinct was concerned and LAPD records, it had been a ricochet at best.

“You two are something else,” Ella said, her tone still breezy.

Chloe honestly had expected that. Ella didn’t necessarily seem to have a social life of her own. Oh, she had conventions and church groups again and cosplay nights and LARPing (whatever that was), but she had fun nights out at clubs at best. It seemed that Ella’s emotional fulfillment came from shipping other people. First her and Marcus (ugh), and of course her naïve and kind of funny cheering for Deckerstar babies (which was worth it only because the shade of purple it made Lucifer turn when she mentioned it at her lab). She was also trying to set Dan up currently with every friend she had who wasn’t also in law enforcement. It was just who Ella was.

Maybe Dan would get set up with someone and be the new portmanteau obsession for Ella. It would be helpful.

“Pretty much,” Chloe said, about to add something else when her phone buzzed. Figuring it was Lucifer texting her something naturally flirty and so not safe for work, Chloe swiped her phone screen and checked it.

She frowned at the brief message there which was business-like and efficient and nothing like her Devil:

_Came down with something. Have to stay at the penthouse._

He ended the brief text with the devil emoji, which set her stomach roiling. He was cheeky with it but usually reserved strings of barely coherent emojis for Trixie and Ella, who seemed to get it, or for Amenadiel, who didn’t and just got annoyed. He never really used them with her and not the devil one.

And since he couldn’t get sick…

Chloe sighed and set her phone back in her purse. Then, she offered Ella and apologetic half-smile. “I’ve got to go.”

“Yeah, I know fine French cuisine awaits. So romantic and---”

“Would be,” she said, offering enough of the truth, and now that she _knew_ she was beginning to get how Lucifer and the others had skated complete honesty all these years with half-statements and letting people fill in the rest based on assumptions. “Lucifer just texted, and he’s not feeling like himself.” _Clearly._ “And I really think I should get to the penthouse and see if he needs any medicine.”

“Ugh, hope it’s not a stomach bug man, those are the worst.” Ella’s puppy dog eyes widened, even as she shook her head. “That’s a bummer. You were gonna have such an awesome date!”

“Well, I’m sure after he feels better in a couple days, we can do it anyway,” she said. “Have a good night. I mean, do you have anything special planned?”

“Nah, but there’s this foam party at a club I like. Figured I’d kill some time there after I finish here. I mean, casual Valentine’s, you know?”

Chloe nodded and made a mental note to try and get Ella dating more or, at least, more focused on her Dan setting up or, really, even a Netflix subscription. Chloe Decker was many things, but a soap opera so wasn’t one of them, and sometimes, it was hard enough dating the Devil without an audience, sincere as Ella was. Yeah, maybe going in for some extra subscription packages for Ella for her birthday would work, let her ship _fictional_ people. She bet Dan would go in on it with her.

However, tonight she had an upset boyfriend to deal with. Gathering up her stuff and shrugging at Ella, she headed for the stairs. If she got a car soon, she could be at Lux within the hour.

**

When she slipped off the elevator, she wasn’t surprised in the least to find the room was darker than usual, well as dark as it could be considering the glass back wall still opened up to the L.A. skyline. Between the few stars and lights of the city, she could still make things out in the dimness. Lucifer, of course, wouldn’t have any trouble with it at all. Never did. She set her purse down on his bar and slid off her heels. Since it was still dark enough that she had even odds of tripping, Chloe didn’t want to have the stilettos on and up her falling probabilities.

Then, she turned and looked around the penthouse. It didn’t take long to spot him, even in the low light, and that surprised her just a little. Not the red glittering eyes glinting back at her in the darkness as much as the fact that he hadn’t slipped into his bedroom to rest and shut himself away from the world. Even _without_ the large wings this time, that option had to be easier than just looming over his piano, didn’t it?

She started toward him but stilled when he spoke, stopping just on the far edge of the Steinway.

“Detective,” he said, his voice a low rumble, almost like a burst of thunder in her ears. It seemed to echo in weird ways around the room, much as it had long ago at _The Mayan_. “I’m sorry you’ve come all this way for nothing. I hoped you understood when I texted that I was, well, not my usual charming self.”

There was a self-effacing tone there too, or at least an attempt at one that broke her heart because it betrayed more of his insecurities than Lucifer thought.

“I know,” she said. “And that’s okay. It’s nothing I haven’t seen before, and it’s fine. In fact, I figured you’d maybe be able to get over everything better if you had some company and weren’t brooding alone.”

“I don’t brood. I contemplate,” he replied sharply.

“Uh-huh,” she said, eying him. From where she stood, he honestly seemed to look better than he could have or maybe more manageable was the term. She didn’t care, had accepted this side of him since the night he’d left for Hell. It was this aspect that had kept her from being ripped apart by a demon army after, this side that thrummed with its own type of power that was, if she were completely honest, also alluring. And those were some dreams, and something she had only mentioned to Linda privately at Tribe Nights run too long and when Maze and Ella had gone home. Also only because Linda swore on Charlie’s life _never_ to tell Maze anything. However, it could be said that it wasn’t just horns that Chloe had a kink for, and that was quite something to realize about herself.

However, while Lucifer seemed to be as charred and reddened all over as he tended to get like this, when his self-loathing raced through him, his wings---neither pair---were nowhere in sight. It wasn’t too bad, and they could work with it. Get him to the couch and help him to relax, even if it entailed her making the ultimate sacrifice and agreeing to base their Valentine’s Day date around old _Bones_ reruns.

She smiled reassuringly at him and came around the piano and then stopped.

“Oh.”

Now that was something she hadn’t expected.

Lucifer’s eyes seemed to dim, and he didn’t quite meet her gaze, his eyes evaluating a point just over her left shoulder that he seemed to suddenly find fascinating. “Yes, well, I was hoping you’d just leave well enough alone for tonight, Detective. Then again, I also suppose curiosity and poking your nose in is your natural bent. I…it’s been a rather long evening.” He blanched at his turn of phrase. “Dearie me, pun _not_ intended this time.”

Chloe was sure she’d figure out what to say soon enough because this was…this was really…it was the living definition of _a lot_.

Because now she understood why of all the places in the penthouse when this latest flare-up hit, Lucifer had chosen to be near the piano or, more accurately, the long bench in front of it. He’d needed the space and the support. While most of him she’d seen just this way before, and, yes, the third time around it was still shocking to see the charred, lacerated skin all over but mostly because she worried it hurt. She’d never asked, and he’d never offered the information. She hoped it didn’t ache to even be like this, but she didn’t know how burns this severe could do anything _but_ hurt constantly. However, that was old hat (and having an infernal boyfriend meant a lot of weird things grew common place fast). No, this newest twist was very different. And just so much.

Chloe kept blinking at the fact that his dick was now easily the length of either thigh and about as thick around (red too but that seemed less jarring somehow) and was propped against the bench was what had captured Chloe’s attention.

And not completely in a bad way.

Just, wow, _a lot_.

Plus, confusion, because _this_ had never happened before. She was sure something like this---that it being possible---was something he’d have mentioned once he’d come back.

“Detective, I haven’t finally driven you catatonic with my devilish side, have you? This was not great when it happened to Linda, and I really am not in a position to call anyone to help bring you to your senses.” His anxiety and obvious fear made the growl even that more apparent as it threaded through his typical British lilt. “Detective?” he asked, waving one hand ending in claw-like nails (though, she noted, more manageable than last time too) before her. “Are you…well, do you know where you are?”

She nodded and finally remembered how to talk. “Yeah, uh, penthouse with you, and it’s Valentine’s Day, and, uh, forgive me but have you ever done this before?”

His eyes seemed to burn brighter, and she was assuming some of that was embarrassment, but unlike his other face, Lucifer was pretty difficult to read like this. “No, I was unaware this could happen. Logically, I suppose, it makes sense. Self-actualization runs off the subconscious, at least as best as Amenadiel and I have figured out. Not like Dad left a bloody manual around. Anyway, it’s all psychosomatic how my body looks so it doesn’t have to be the same every time. Obviously not,” he said, gesturing to what was close to counting as a third leg.

She blushed and swallowed hard. Okay, _a lot_. She could deal with a lot. She’d dealt with demons and the first woman and crazy priests. She could deal with this. It was just wow. “Okay, so, we work through this.”

“I am not a murder mystery, Chloe.”

“No,” she said, her tone a bit tight at the way he snapped at her. “I just have to think through the steps. Last time, you got all devil-y because of demons, and I’m gonna guess you were pissed.”

His eyes flashed again, almost too brightly to look at. “You’d be damn right on that count.”

“Right, and before that you were…” she choked up a little on that. “You were working through the self-hatred epiphany.”

He nodded and ran a hand over his scalp but stilled half-way when he felt the actual texture there, the lack of hair to dishevel. “I…to be fair, I still am quite often in session with the good doctor.”

“And this?” she said, half gesturing toward his enlarged assets and then dropping her hand when she felt that highlighting it probably just made Lucifer feel more awkward.

“I was nervous about our date, Detective,” Lucifer said, his voice low but somehow still managing to rumble through the apartment’s corners as if it were multi-toned. “This was not at all what I had in mind.” He shrugged, and _it_ moved as he did it, and something probably short circuited in Chloe’s brain.

“I…yeah…clues, right?”

He frowned at her. “Detective, really, I’m sure I’ll be less self-hating in the morning and far more normal on my own. You don’t need to try and stick around to pay penance.”

That slapped her back into focus. Penance? Who was he even kidding? “How would this be penance?”

“Well, I’m far from my tall, dark, and handsome self currently. I would hardly blame you for going home and letting us try this weekend later when I’m not a literal monster.”

“Because you think I only want to be around when you’re the way you are around the precinct and at the club?” she asked, and she couldn’t keep the hurt from creeping into her tone. He needed to know her better than that by now. He had to, didn’t he?

 _Of course, he doesn’t_ , she reminded herself.

She was the first human he’d really opened up to in an intimate way, even if the reveal of his true nature hadn’t been on his own terms. And she’d run away to another continent and almost gotten him exorcised by an insane rogue priest. Add her mistake to all his other abandonment issues and, even if it stung that he couldn’t trust her entirely yet, it was understandable.

Chloe took a step forward and set her hand on his closest shoulder. She wanted to stiffen at the feel of the waxy skin there or pull her hand away because it felt _so burned_ (and was), and she was afraid her touch had to pain him. Even if someone else’s touch there normally didn’t ache, how could hers _not_ when she made him vulnerable under the best of circumstances.

“I…do you hurt?”

“Huh?”

“The burns, I mean. Do they hurt?”

“No.”

She frowned up at him. “Lucifer---”

“They don’t. I don’t know if that’s because they’re psychosomatic or because they mimic what happened when I first landed in Hell, and it’s been literal eons since the lake of fire. Either way, Detective, your hand on my skin doesn’t hurt in the least.” He sighed and the tension in his even broader than usual shoulders seemed to leak out of him. “Feels nice, if you must know.”

“Good,” she said, stroking her thumb over the knots in the skin she found there. “I know it’s going to take time for you to believe this, and it’s partially my fault.”

He eyed himself---all of himself---and sighed again. “There is nothing about me that could ever be your fault.”

“Maybe, but I know you think that I’m going to run or leave you or head for the hills if you’re too devilish, and I’m really not, and I definitely don’t want to leave my boyfriend alone when he feels this crappy about himself. I…can you even move?”

“It’s rather cumbersome. I had thought about trying to at least get to the bed, yes, and waiting this out. The bench was closer.” He snorted derisively. “If this doesn’t get better, perhaps I’ll get it a wheelbarrow of its own.”

She couldn’t help it. The stress of _everything_ was bubbling up over whichever dams she’d built up over the edges of her sanity. Chloe laughed. She laughed so hard that she broke contact with Lucifer and doubled-over gasping for air.

What even was her life again?

Lucifer narrowed his eyes at her. “Oh, right, have a go at me then.”

“I’m not,” she said, sobering and squeezing his shoulder with one hand while stroking the planes of his chest with the other.

It pained her to do it, even if it didn’t hurt him if only because she could _feel_ the scope of his self-hatred in every scar, burn, divot, and malformed patch of stretched and twisted muscle. It was worse than if his Father had just done this to him as a punishment because, deep down, she didn’t quite know how you stopped the person you loved from inflicting this kind of pain on himself.

“Could have fooled me,” he sniffed.

She sighed and moved her hand so that both were stroking the broad territory of his chest. “I just…I need a minute. It’s such a funny image, kind of, and my brain has decided to deal with everything by going a little loopy. I just…okay, so is this performance anxiety. That’s kind of surprising since you, not to be like frustrated about it, but you brag. Like a lot.”

He stood up straighter or tried to. Lucifer groaned when it was obviously too unwieldy to do that with his length quite so long. “It’s not that, exactly. I just was nervous about you not having a good time to night, about bolloxing it up somehow, which I did, although not literally.”

“Huh?”

“Long story, but I suppose since believe it or not, I’m well read and aware of many things about monsters and the other pantheons in general---”

She would have to file the other pantheon thing away for another time. If he was going to tell her that Loki and Thor didn’t just apply to Marvel movies, Chloe was going to have a coronary tonight.

“…but also about rumors about me specifically. It was rather flattering until the implications have apparently hit me in the face, although also not literally. However, some of the witch trial records had the good Puritan defendants asserting that I was _rather generous_.”

“They did not cover that when I had to read _The Crucible_ with my set tutor.”

“Pity, it would have livened such a dreadfully dull play up.”

“Yeah, devil orgies with a mega-penis. That would definitely make required reading for ninth grade go better.”

Lucifer smirked at that, relaxing just a bit more. “Mega-penis? Not sure I’m fond of the moniker. At any rate, it’s flattering in theory, but in practice with an overwrought subconscious, it’s rather a lot.”

Chloe licked her lips and eyed him again. “Look, I think you aren’t going to…well, I still need my partner also come Monday morning at the station. It would be good if we could get you calmed down and deal with, um, the whole enchilada.”

He arched a scarred ridge where his eyebrow should have been. “Do tell?”

“I know you’re really worked up, and I figured you’d do better if I can help calm you down.”

“Detective,” he purred. “what exactly are you suggesting?”

She bit her lower lip and reached up to hug him awkwardly from the side. Then, she kissed his lips, not quite used to their chapped, craggy nature, but enjoying the feel of them in a different way all the same. “Let’s get you to bed so you can at least rest, and, you know, if something happens, and it helps you relax faster, then that’s a bonus, isn’t it?”

Lucifer’s jaw fell open. “Detective… _Chloe_ ,” he started, his tone beseeching. “You can’t be serious. It’s quite enough that you’re going to stay with me at all.”

She kissed him again, and this time led the rhythm of the exchange, her tongue tracing over his own, her teeth nibbling at his lips as she pulled away. “Look, I know you have a lot of thoughts about me as a woman with probably all the brown sensible shoes in Los Angeles, and I get it. I’m boring sometimes cause someone in the precinct needs a head on their shoulders, and it’s not going be you or Ella. Most of the time not Dan either. But I’m not some wrapped in cotton virgin, and I’m not always someone on a pedestal either, Lucifer. You think I need things to be a certain way, and maybe once I did, but if you’re no longer that insufferable, egotistical slime bag I first met---”

“You wound me, Detective. I always had my charms.”

“Which were repulsive to me on a chemical level…mostly,” she conceded. “Then, I’m not who I used to be either, and I’m certainly not the woman who came back from Rome.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“But you’re thinking it.” She sighed and gestured toward the scarred flesh of his torso and, yes, to the most interesting manifestation based on random witch trial facts possible. “And I love you. If you need to unwind to feel better about yourself, then I’m up for anything. If you just want to lie in bed and try and rest, I’m by your side. It’s up to you.”

He swallowed and stared at her, his eyes shining like rubies and, yes, while they were terrifying, they were also truly beautiful too. “I’d like that very much, Chloe, but if you---”

She kissed him and pointed to his bedroom. “I _won’t_ change my mind, so let’s get you to the bed.”

That was easier said than done. At first, Lucifer tried to walk essentially very bow-legged to the room, but he didn’t make it more than a few steps before realizing that wasn’t going to work. While it might have been enough to get him from the bar (she was assumed he’d started at the bar to soothe his worries over all of this since he was Lucifer, after all) to the piano bench, he was hard now, and that was making everything more complicated than it already was.

Chloe offered him a small frown and held up her hand. “Okay, this isn’t exactly working.”

“Do tell,” he harrumphed.

“Anyway, we don’t have a wheelbarrow, but do you want some help. I could…you know…” she stammered a little since, for all her talk of not being wrapped in cotton, she was still shy and didn’t want to put him out or embarrass him worse. “Have you ever moved furniture? Just someone else on the other end is helpful.”

Lucifer blinked at her. “What?”

“Do you trust me?”

He nodded, eyes glittering with his sincerity. “With my life, Detective.”

“Then, let me help,” she said, setting her hands under the length of him, and she was not prepared for any of this exactly because it was so very warm and heavy in her hands.

The second she touched him and started cradling the underside of his cock, doing her best around the burns and singed skin there, Lucifer _moaned_. It was a truly sinful sound, the kind of appreciative whine she’d never heard from him before but had _dreamed_ about way too many times to count, especially lately and in anticipation of this date. It made her want to cross her own legs to keep the need from rising up and pulsing from her core.

Instead, she took in a deep breath and nodded up at Lucifer. “Is this okay.”

He opened his eyes and they were so very bright again. “Chloe, that’s…”

“Hey!” she said, her tone a bit more strident. “Let’s at least get you to the bed, tiger, okay? Don’t completely bliss out on me yet.”

“Feels bloody amazing though.”

She wasn’t going to ask if whatever he’d psychosomatically done to himself this time had made his nerves more sensitive because it was obvious it _had_ as they shuffled awkwardly up the stairs and to his bed. Lucifer hadn’t promised _not_ to moan, and he’d made some of the finer noises of Skinemax on the way to the bed. After what felt like hours and only after she figured her whole neck and face were as red as he was, they made it. Chloe helped Lucifer settle as best he could on the mattress with his legs spread wide to accommodate for his generous current endowment.

“Okay, one thing. Have an idea,” she chirped.

He mewled a little and regarded her with one eye open and the other closed. “Mhm, don’t leave us now. Feels so lovely.”

“Yes, but I’ll be right back because I think you’ll thank me for this bit of forward thinking.” She said as she hurried to his bathroom. She opened the cabinet under one of his three sinks, the one closest to the door, and hit pay dirt. Not that it would be hard to do so, but she found a treasure trove of lube and condoms. Condoms weren’t going to work obviously for now, and since he was the Devil, they weren’t really a need under normal times either. Not as if he could get her either sick or pregnant. But the lube she needed. In fact, thinking of the challenge before her, she grabbed two large bottles of a strawberry flavored one (there were many options, but she wasn’t feeling kiwi or passion fruit currently). She started out the doorway, but thinking better of it, slipped back into the bathroom long enough to take off her necklace and set it on the sink. She didn’t want anything to happen to it, or its delicate silver chain tonight.

Then, Chloe sauntered out to see him.

Lucifer was more awake now. Clearly the need he had growing through him and, ahem, making him grow was overriding any part of his brain that might have made him self-conscious. Well, mostly. His subconscious still had to be doing a number on him, or he’d be utterly normal. However, he clearly had decided he liked being touched as he was. He grinned when he noticed her return but didn’t stop stroking himself, a motion that, to be honest, reminded her a bit of stroking a decent sized pet, since it took the whole damn arm to maneuver the strokes.

“Detective, you’re right! That’s rather brilliant,” he said, perking up at the sight of the lube bottles.

She nodded and set them on the nightstand by the side of the bed closest to the bathroom. Then, she reached behind her shoulders and unzipped her dress. She shimmied out of it easily and shucked off her bra. Chloe left the last scrap of lace around her hips as she wasn’t quite sure how far and how much he wanted. Obviously ,some things were _beyond_ off the table due to the physics alone, but she hoped she’d be able to make him feel comfortable, to take it all with whatever pace he chose.

Lucifer rumbled again, and she was probably imagining it, but it _felt_ like the walls shook a little. “You’re beautiful, Detective. Every bit as spectacular as when I first spied you coming out of that hot tub.”

She snorted and eased her way to the bed. “I’m going to forgive you for that _Hot Tub High School_ reference because you’re obviously both upset and blissed out, but that’s still the dumbest thing I ever did.”

“No, next to getting the lube, it’s the second best.”

She laughed and kissed him again as she sat down on the edge of the mattress. “What is it you _desire_ tonight, Lucifer?”

He frowned at her and some of the short circuiting in his brain must have come back online by now. He blinked at her with those bright eyes, but there was a lucidity there again that hadn’t been there when she’d first touched his cock as she’d helped guide him to the bed.

“Really, I’m sorry. The touching…it ran away with me. If you want to merely sit, that’s more than fine.”

“That’s not what I asked.”

“I know, but the truth is that anything you will give me, I’ll take, and I always do it gladly for you. You never have to give more than you want.”

She shook her head. “But I want to do more, and I want to do whatever can help you relax. Mayb I can maybe Valentine’s Day feel like it went well, you know?”

“I…”

“So,” she said, drawing back on acting from long ago, from back when she had been young and an erstwhile ingenue. “You, Lucifer Morningstar, what do you desire?”  
  


“I want you on top of me. I want to feel your hands…” he reached out with one long arm and cupped her breast, still careful with the claw-nails on that hand as he kneaded it. “…want to feel your lovely breasts on me too.”

“Riding with the devil then?” she asked, forcing her tone to sultry. She could do this, be Lucinda-like as she’d failed to be on that stake out long ago.

“On the devil,” he corrected, his eyes bright.

She nodded and grabbed the first bottle of lube, dousing both palms liberally before setting them down on his cock. It was, of course long. At even just the length of half his leg, it was quite daunting as Lucifer was hardly short. Part of her brain interpreted her start at first as just no more than massaging a thigh anyway. It wasn’t shaped like that, of course, tapered at the end to a head, a bit twisted and warped with the burns and scar tissue that even wrapped around this part of his body, but it was very responsive. The second her palms lay flat on his dick, Lucifer moaned and threw his head back.

“Yes, Detective, just like that.”

She nodded and looked up at her, biting her lip a little in her concentration. “Totally new territory for both of us. If anything happens, you’ll let me know, won’t you? Like if I press too hard or do anything you don’t like, you have to let me know.”

“Believe me,” he purred. “There’s nothing your bloody miraculous hands could do now that I wouldn’t relish, darling.”

She nodded and started her work. Still, even if he was the devil and, well, _it_ seemed rather hearty, she still wanted to be gentle at first. Again, he was more vulnerable around her than even Lucifer probably realized. She started to stroke him, bending forward and running her hands down from the base all the way to the tip as if rolling out bread dough.

(When she’d younger, her mother had long ago had a back to natural eating phase, so they’d made their bread fresh for three months before Mom got sick of that idea).

Lucifer writhed under her as best he could and let out a litany of sounds that went straight to her clit and made her wish this was about her. But it wasn’t. For tonight, she needed to get him calmed down. It was enough to see the effect she had over him. Hell, it was downright intoxicating.

Powerful in a way she hadn’t expected.

He reached out with his nearest hand to cup her right breast, again so delicate to avoid anything more than a bit of a pleasurable pressure with his impressive nails. “Feels so good, Chloe.”

She laughed a little. “If you hold me, then I can’t do everything you want.” She nudged her hips against his head and was rewarded with a pleased rumble for her efforts. “I need to be able to move around.”

He grinned back at her, something feral and hungry in the expression. “Well, then, there’s always time for after, for me to run these hands---such as they are---all over your back and shoulders. Over your pert little ass, Detective.”

She pulled away from her ministrations on his cock and leaned up enough to kiss him. Her tongue twirling and promising him so many things after. “If you want, but this is right now for you because, I’m sure you know better than me, but you’re like granite down here. I want to help take the pressure off.”

Chloe leaned back and took the lube up again, spreading it all over her chest and her stomach until she was shiny under the dim lights of the city shining through the windows. Lucifer’s eyes brightened, and he reached out to her. She shook her head and playfully batted at one large hand. “Not like that; I have a better idea.”

“I have no idea why you’d think me grabbing your impressive rack isn’t a great idea and oh!”

She had to smirk at that. Rendering Lucifer Morningstar, no matter his form, speechless was a near impossible feat. But Chloe had managed it by snaking her way back down to the foot of the bed and, instead, slowly climbing up it, letting her torso and breasts slide easily up his length until she met his pelvis. Under the burned skin, the bones jutted out so oddly. Again, for a moment, she stilled her rhythm if only to try and push her sadness away.

It was all their collective faults. His family and the Fall, and hers for running the first time. If it took the rest of her life, she’d make it up to him, make him understand that he was anything but this wrecked and torn being that he sometimes forced himself to be. But that was a long-term project. For now? For now, she was going to make the Devil come.

She started to slide back and forth over his hard cock again, getting used to the waxy and scarred skin there, to the bumps and twists as she eased over it. Nothing was sharp or caught in the way the pseudo-wounds had healed, and she was glad for that. It still had been smart to basically bathe in lube to make this go smoothly, but the friction and pace between them was comfortable. Clearly more than that as Lucifer tended to bang his head against the headboard whenever she reached the head of his dick and played with the most sensitive nerves there.

On her next volley upwards, she tried to reach under him, for the junction in his hips where his balls should have been. She stilled when she couldn’t find them, and since her pace had broken, Lucifer seemed to collect himself a bit and frown back at her.

“Sorry, darling, I was being very honest about not being to bollox up anything currently.”

She shook her head and snickered a little. “The Puritans were weird!”

“I know. For a group who never got any, they were always so very obsessed with sex, weren’t they?”

“Yup,” she said, deciding she’d do the best with what she had.

But seriously, whichever lecherous, old witchfinder general who grilled these fake details out of not-at-all-witches had serious issues. That was for another time. Now was about anything but Puritanical interests. Instead, Chloe made her way back to the head of his cock and lapped at it. Her tongue tracing over the divots and creases in the flesh as expertly as she’d ever licked at ice cream before.

“Well, we’ll fix that,” she added, pulling back just enough to smirk around at him.

He muttered something low and guttural and probably in that demon language he and Maze shared. Then, English seemed to come back online in his brain. “You keep doing this and nothing needs fixing.”

She took that as encouragement and switched positions a bit so that she was crouched over him with her head pointed to the foot of the bed. That way she could lave at the tip of his cock with her tongue while the rest of her slid up and down his shaft.

Chloe increased her pace, scurrying up and down the length of his dick with all she had, even as her tongue flicked and flitted over him with as much gusto. Lucifer seized up under her, and she knew he was close, so she continued, moving her tongue with speed and dedication she didn’t know she had in her. Her legs tensing up even as her clit too throbbed in time with her movements.

Lucifer shuddered under her, practically roaring his pleasure, even as the walls literally did shake this time. Nothing came, no seed spilled, so she gamely, even if she were growing tired, soldiered on, until slightly unfamiliar hands were on her ass.

“That’s good, Chloe. Dad help me, you’re going to kill me if you continue.”

She slid off him and eased to the bathroom long enough to clean off and rid herself of the stickiness of the used lube. When she returned, she curled into the right side of the bed next to him, snuggling up to his side. His posture was lax and easy, even if he hadn’t changed back yet. For now, she could see the beginning of his pale skin peaking through at his temples and his neck. It might take time, but he was doing better already.

“It was okay, right?”

“Bloody amazing,” he rumbled. “I…limitation of the form, I suppose. Damn Puritans. Trust me, Detective, came so hard I saw stars.”

She looked across the room to where some of the marble had crumbled from his shouting so loudly. “Wow, maybe a bit hard on the bedroom.”

He kissed her, and then he let his hands stray to her breasts. “It was worth it. I have the money to replace it. I can replace all of Lux if I bring it down.”

She laughed and then moaned a little at the talent even in his warped fingers. “You can’t be ready for more.”

He smirked back at her, and she was glad that the afterglow of what they’d done kept him from being too self-conscious. He had nothing to be ashamed over at all. “Well, I’m a very equal opportunity Devil, so let me see what I can do for you. Time to alleviate your needs, shall we?”

She nodded and lay back, letting him explore her delicately with hands that bit just a tad into her in the most enticing of ways. The nails were certainly not going everywhere, but to scratch a bit at her sides and her stomach, to caress her nipples just right with a slight pinch of something more?

Oh yes, she’d like that very much.

**

Lucifer sighed and poured himself a glass of water. “I’ve broken you again, haven’t I?” he asked, even as Linda blinked between him and, frankly, his lap and kept opening her mouth to say something but then slammed it shut even faster.

She finally shook her head and set her notes down. Clearly, this was all going to be off even patient records. “I just…I’m trying to…huh, I don’t know if trying to envision the whole scenario is more or less awkward.”

He shrugged. Now that he actually had a relationship that he cared about, and for the first time in ever was nervous about pleasing a partner (after all the Detective wasn’t just anyone), Lucifer regretted that he hadn’t paid Linda outright to start. It was one thing to tease her about Amenadiel. Lucifer, of course, was indisputably the better catch compared to his sour puss of an older sibling. However, now that Linda, who had been quite enthusiastic and adventurous those couple months of their dalliance, was listening to him discuss his problems, it was almost like its own special Hell loop. Not that his erstwhile sister-in-law wasn’t trying her hardest to stay professional even now. It was more that, this time, she wasn’t quite succeeding.

Oh well, it was still better than endless questions about what he’d done with Hitler. Truly, how hard was the guess for that? Did humans not know there were species of carnivorous fish that lived in the Amazon and swam rather destructively up the human urethra? Seriously, which medical school did Linda even attend? Of course, that was where Lucifer had started. He’d just added from there. But, yes, having his shrink blue screen of death a bit (okay a lot) over his latest self-actualization dilemma was still more feasible than the endless Hitler prodding right after she’d found out.

He quirked his head at her and smirked because odd as this all was even by his standards, he still loved to tease, so it was easiest just to lean into it. “Hullo, Doctor, my eyes are up here.”

Linda gave one final not-at-all-subtle glance at his lap and then coughed. “Yes, well, I don’t need all the details.”

“I could give them.”

“No, that’s alright. I think I get a basic idea of the conundrum.”

“Yes, it was quite the shock, but I was…” he paused and tried to decide the best way to phrase everything. “I was pleasantly surprised. I admit you told me that the Detective wouldn’t run away, even if the whole date went woefully pear shaped, but it was something else to see it.”

Linda nodded and seemed to relax in her seat (as well as manage eye contact again). “Chloe’s been through a lot too. I’m glad that you were both able to work through the issue.” Alright, so maybe she was still as red as _he_ could turn, but she was trying so hard. It wasn’t easy being the Devil’s therapist, even he had to admit that. “But you still seem a bit subdued. May I ask what’s on your mind?”

“I should have hired a less perceptive therapist.”

“But then it would be a waste of your money,” she replied. “Also, no one else would put up with you.”  
  


Lucifer leaned back. “You got a Nephilim out of the deal. I think you seemed to have reaped quite a bounty, Doctor.”

She beamed at that. “He’s adorable. If you ever come over for a family dinner, you’re welcome to hold him.”

“I would for as little amount of time qualifies as interested. Babies are certainly not my thing or, to be fair, even near-toddlers. When he wants to hit Vegas, do let me know.”

She shook her head. “As your therapist, we should talk about your fear of children.”

“They’re messy and grab at everything.”

“As your sort-of sister-in-law, come by on Sunday. Amenadiel always does something Italian so there’s tons of leftovers. Anyway, there’s something still bothering you.”

He narrowed his eyes and started to spin the ring on his finger back and forth. “Well, it wasn’t what I wanted. I’d wager no one _wants_ that. Theoretically, it sounds like fun with all the bragging rights. In actuality, it’s rather logistically complicated and overrated and what was that other thing? Right then. I didn’t want our first intimate act together to be so sullied by my devilish side.”

Linda frowned at that. “Honestly, I’d really call it your self-projection issues. It’s not, strictly speaking, real.”

“Well, yes, clearly it passed. Alabaster skin by morning, totally all back to the usual.” He smirked. “Which I may add is still more than ample and had a whole forum page at ‘roosters of unusual size’ for it and---”

“I’m aware,” she said, her tone clipped. “However, I can understand that you’re frustrated, especially considering your, ahem, prowess with other lovers that with Chloe you’re still nervous. Then, that spirals into quite the effect on your body. That said, I do think with practice and as we deal more with your issues, you should have this problem less. Clearly, it’s never happened before.”

“Until now, it wasn’t as big…” He grimaced at his own phrasing. “…it wasn’t quite the dilemma. It only started to run wild right before I returned to Hell. Besides, the Detective’s special. I’d never forgive myself if I buggered our real shot up.”

“Yes, but you also have to accept that you won’t. At least it’s unlikely you’d truly ruin it unless you do get too deeply wrapped up in your own thoughts and doubts.”

He snorted and wrenched his ring harder on his finger. “Easier said than done. It’s a bit more than that.”

She arched an eyebrow at him and leaned forward in her seat. “Can you explain?”

“It’s more than sullying what I’d have envisaged our first romantic moment would be like. It’s that now I feel like I’m competing against myself.”

“How so?”

He sighed and forced himself to move from fidgeting with his ring to his cufflinks instead. Not that she couldn’t peg all his tells by now. Only reason he’d started up with her at all was because Linda had him sussed out after a fashion the first few minutes she’d met him.

But he could try.

“Now, a part of me wonders if she might end up liking the monstrous side more.” He laughed but didn’t quite hit the unaffected tone he was shooting for. “I know, impossible to fathom. Then again, what if I’m not enough?” He frowned. “Well, this me. It’s rather confusing.”

Linda offered him a small, kind smile. “First, as unusual as what you can do is, whether you want to or not…”

“Oh, I bloody well don’t.”

“But it’s all just different facets of yourself, exaggerated or not by your subconscious. So, what happened on Friday was between you and Chloe, just a bit different.”

“Not so much,” he replied. “It was just not how I wanted it, and I…doubt lingers, Doctor. How can it not?”

“You’ll work through it,” she replied. “We’ve got time to go through your issues together, but you know Chloe won’t abandon you, no matter what.”

“Yes, I suppose that’s true.”

“It _is_ true.”

“Yes,” he said, twisting at his right cufflinks. “But I still worry about the next time.”

“I’m sure whatever happens, she’ll enjoy it, and I also think that you _are_ getting too deeply in your head. Second, the self-actualization will get easier. In a few weeks or a few months, this particular hiccup will be a blip. Things like this, Lucifer, they just take time.”

He sighed and picked up a piece of candy from her jar. This time it was peppermints, and while they weren’t his favorite, he supposed they’d do. One couldaccuse him of having a bit of an oral fixation, after all.

“Still have no idea what my father was bloody well thinking. Self-actualization is nothing but trouble.” Lucifer frowned as he thought that over. “Suppose it worked out alright for you, like I said, got that tiny nephew of mine out of the deal.”

Linda nodded. “Yes, but I wouldn’t have wished that kind of fear and confusion on Amenadiel if I’d known the price, even now.”

Lucifer nodded. “Oh, my brother would have taken it. He clearly is very parental, loves the whole gig. However, my dear doctor, I agree that self-actualization is quite the pain in the arse.”

She rubbed at her temples and let out a low breath. “I hope Charlie doesn’t have that particular quirk. It’s hard enough working through it with nominally two mature adults.”

“I’m very mature,” Lucifer said, picking up a second candy and shoving it in his mouth.

“Sure, yes, you are. That’s why a third of my bank account is pretty much supported by your and your sessions.”

“I overpay as it all goes to the same family pot,” he admitted. “Oh, and for you on speed dial. Still,” he said, standing and beckoning to her. “it’s almost six p.m., and I must be your last appointment of the night. Come by Lux for a few and let Mr. Mom have an extra hour with the rugrat. You, doctor, have earned a drink.”

She hopped up and slid her arm through his crooked elbow. It struck him anew how tiny she was, how utterly ridiculous it was that sometimes---though not always---he found comfort and guidance from such a tiny, fragile human. He wondered if his brother felt the same way, albeit after a different fashion.

“You have no idea. Now that I’m off the clock, I’m going to be honest…some images you can’t unsee.”

Odd as it was, he couldn’t resist quirking his head at her and smirking. “Do you feel you’ve chosen the wrong brother finally? Or do you wish Amenadiel could learn a similar trick?”

Linda blushed, and although she said nothing, Lucifer was a master of desire and could more than tell she was at least thinking about it.

“Hmm,” he mused as he opened the door for her. He was a gentleman above all else, at least when the mood struck him. “Yes, I think someone definitely wants to stage a bit of a _Dr. Strangelove_ moment with her angel.”

She rolled her eyes and slapped his arm. “Lucifer! Not even.”

“Oh, pity that. I have on good authority that it’s quite the ride.”

**Author's Note:**

> This comes from a bit of googling.
> 
> Some of the basic info about some of the reports during different with trials is from here - http://www.thebodyissacred.org/origin/devilssex.asp
> 
> And the actual "penis trolley" image can be found here - https://ifunny.co/picture/satan-good-morning-madam-anything-from-the-penis-trolley-woman-f5ggDfbC5


End file.
